yaya-less, again

since the end of july, hubby and i have been struggling with taking care of the boys. our two yayas have left for the province for personal reasons. yaya jackie, had to leave even if she didn't want to. if she ha a choice she would stay with us, but then, she has a family of her own and her hubby had to go back to work after being ill for a month or so. now, she had to go home and be there for her own kids.

as much as i would not let her go, i understand her. being a mom and all, she has to raise her own family.

yaya donna on the other hand, being young and all at 19 years, had to go home to her ailing mother. again, family duties.

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i would be a hypocrite to say that we rely a lo on household help. it's no joke taking care and looking after 3 rowdy boys. and our family needs all the extra hands we can get.

the past few weeks have been a slow uphill climb. but we managed to survive, with the help of my mom, who, as much as i would want her to rest and enjoy her retirement, had to be on second mommy duty. even if she sometimes complain of being tired as i am, deep inside i can see her enjoying the moment being grandma (mama) to her grandkids. same goes for my dad as well.

admittedly, i miss having those little stolen moments of an hour or so with hubby before we hed home. but sacrifices had to be made. on the other side, the kids are enjoying more time with us. we get to see them awake, tuck them in at night, see them off to school-and even be with them in school.

work may take a back seat for now, since family has to come first. but then, it doesn't mean that i forget about deadlines and other work related things. i just need to do a little adjustment. meetings, deadlines etc.

i tweeted a few days ago that looking for a good yaya is indeed hard. it's not about the workload but the amount of trust you can give a person to take care of your child. i don't go on relying on agencies alone. i have trust issues with those types. i would prefer referrals from friends, those who have first or second hand source into the type of person who's going to take care of my kids 70% of the time.

so at night, i pray that before the month ends, we get to find 2 yaya's that would be a keeper for us.

i hope so, i sure hope so...

short story: not so grown up yet

this story just popped in my head and i just had to write it and save it before it becomes another "stored" Story in my head.

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Mom?

I see his silhouette in the hallway light. He’s clutching his favorite pillow, his pajamas reaching his ankles. When did he grow so tall? I wonder to myself.

What’s wrong? I ask him.

I had a bad dream. Can I sleep beside you and daddy tonight?

Sure. I make space for him in the middle of the bed. He snuggles without hesitation. He still smells like a baby. I hold his hand. He lays his head on my chest. I hug him. I hear him sigh.

I miss moments like these when he was young and I had him all to myself. I was his one and only. Now I have to contend with the toys, his playmates, school, and other activities.

Do you want to talk about your bad dream? I ask him.

Just scary monsters. I might dream of them again when I go back to sleep. He says.

A few minutes of silence. I thought he fell asleep already.

Mom?

Yes?

Will you still let me sleep between you and daddy when I’m bigger and I dream of monsters again? he asked with worry in his voice. Lately he had been vocal about being all grown up and that he can do things big boys (his age) can do.

I smile.

Of course, as long as you need mommy and daddy, we’re here. Even if you’re a big boy.

That’s nice. Because I love sleeping beside you and daddy. It makes me happy.

My heart melts.

master of the kitchen

* this post was first posted in Inadvertently Domesticated. my 2nd contribution to the blog.

Link can be found in the title.

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Growing up, I’ve been surrounded by relatives who know good food and know how to cook them. Both my grandmothers on both sides were superb in the kitchen. My paternal grandmother has the best leche flans by my standards in the world! Nothing compares to how each container would produce the perfect flan. My maternal grandmother has the best laing ever, that her recipe can’t be duplicated after the first try. But since they both passed away, who were the lucky ones who inherited their recipes?

Certainly not I. My attempts in cooking can only be enumerated to frying hotdogs, spam, eggs and those easy to cook dishes. In short, pang tamad (for the lazy). As much as I would want to adapt the skill, it seems that it doesn’t like me that much. And did I mention that I have this fear of lighting the stove? Whether using matches or just turning the knobs, how’s that for a wimp?

My mother has been frustrated in attempting to teach me how to cook. How can I learn when during the first few attempts she always had to do it all over again because she wasn’t happy with the way I was doing it. Which left me with a broken heart for cooking, but my mother didn’t stop there. One day she left the house without preparing anything for dinner. She just left me a note on how to prepare adobo. I followed the instructions to the letter but with a few adjustments on the taste. After laboring in the kitchen for an hour, tired, and with no more appetite, I served the “experimental” adobo to my family. I was dreading the reaction from my family. But surprise! They loved it!

It wasn’t the same as my mom’s recipe but my family sure did love my own variation. I never felt so proud. It meant there was still hope for me in the kitchen! I’ve learned to cook sinigang and tinola which is quite easy.

But then, I’d rather leave all the yummy dishes served by P, because he cooks way better than I and he sure beats those other culinary students. Ms C can attest to his famous Chili Con. :) (you have to get us drunk first before we can give you the recipe).

Review: Here Comes the Bride

This would be my first movie review. I'm not a movie blogger so the things i make note of here are based on a simpleton's views and opinions after watching the movie.

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i'm not typically into the Pinoy movie scenes. it's always the same story, different characters. but once in a while i do get to see some few gems along the way.

one would be Here comes the bride. a comedy starring Eugene Domingo and Angelica Panganiban. i love watching Eugene for her comical prowess. for the inner gay in me, she connects to me. and almost all of her quips, leave me laughing out loud.

i was able to catch the movie with a good gay friend/officemate. i didn't set any expectations about the story. all i wanted was a good laugh. and the movie delivered. there were a lot of quips and moments that left the whole moviehouse laughing and even squealing, from kilig or diri, i wouldn't know.

for a moment there, i totally forgot all the worries, the drama and the stress for that week. for an hour and a half, i was laughing my heart out. laughing really out loud.

favorite scenes can be found in the movie's trailer:



this movie will definitely be one of those i'd love to watch again and again.

when things get rough, this song picks me up

Motherhood

my first contribution to Kerol and her sister's blog. i was asked to write for them, share some insights about being a woman, a wife, a friend and everything in between.

i also consider myself as a non domestic diva.

click on the title to go to their site

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I wasn’t prepared for motherhood.


When P and I were still dating, both at a very young age of 23, both climbing the corporate ladder and establishing our careers in sales, P for an FMCG, while I was working for an local online portal in sales. The thought of being parents never crossed our minds. We were enjoying the moment of going out on impromptu road trips, dates after work, getting pissed drunk and not worrying about it the next day. That time, we were living the “perfect” life.

I never imagined myself being a mom. I had this idea that I would marry when I turn 30, with a well compensated job and maybe 1 kid. But then fate took a different course (not that I’m blaming fate), in 2004, I found out I was pregnant. The moment I saw those to pink lines I didn’t know what to do. I could not fathom the idea that at the age of 23, I was going to be a mom. I was still childish. I didn’t have a 5 year plan, long term goals and all that adult stuff. I lived in the moment.

How could I be a mom this young? I didn’t have any domestic skills at all. I can’t even cook a decent meal, I hated the thought of washing and ironing clothes, cleaning the house was literally a chore. What more, taking care of an infant? It took me the whole pregnancy to deal with these issues. I was scared, worried. Sure, I had taken care of my younger brothers when they were babies, but this was totally different, this person will come from me. I can’t hand the baby over to somebody else when there’s something wrong.

Everyday I was drowning in emotions. I was happy because I’ll have a baby, worried how can I take care of the baby when I don’t have any mommy instincts in me, depressed how can P and I provide for this baby? Seems like all the things mentioned in the book What to Expect, I went through.

The moment I was able to hold my son in my arms for the first time it felt like a motherhood switch was turned on. It felt like I finally knew what to do. It felt like I was meant to be a mom. Maybe I was one of the lucky ones to feel the motherhood vibe, that Johnson and Johnson mommy – child bonding, with tears rolling down the cheeks. Cheesy, but it’s true.

I wasn’t prepared for motherhood and being a mom, but I wasn’t prepared for the surprise that all the while I had it in me to be a mom. My son just had to turn on that switch. And after three wonderful kids, it feels like I have been doing this forever.

is it time for a pet?

kyle has been asking me if he can have a pet already for the past weeks. he was asking for a hamster, a dog/puppy, a lizard (gasp!) and other pet-worthy pets. i told him he can if he can answer this basic question:

will you clean up your pet after he poops and pees?

so far the answer is still a resounding NO, he would even say that poop and pee are yucky things and he will never touch those. that he even asked my why he should be the one cleaning u after his pet, isn't it my job to do that? (raising my eyebrows to high heavens). i had to explain to him that i do the cleaning/bathing etc for them because i'm their mommy and wen they're bigger, they'll choose to do those things on their own. pets can't do that.

so that means he's still not ready for one. i explained to him that having a pet is a big responsibility. you not only feed it, but also clean up and take care of it after.

although there are days when he asks me if he's ready to have a pet to take care of. and i just keep on asking him the same question. if he's willing to clean up after his pet then for sure, hubby and i would be willing to give him one. maybe starting with a pet hamster too.

let's wait and see.

the strangest dream

a few nights ago i had the most bizarre and disturbing dream ever. it was so vivid that the moment i woke up, i could still recall the same scene over and over again.

i saw a white coffin with someone inside. but i don't know who that person was. a few moments after, i saw a green snake under the coffin. and then i woke up.

i had to research what these things mean, and here's what i found out:

To see a coffin in your dream, symbolizes the womb. It also signifies your thoughts and fears of death. If the coffin is empty, then it suggests that you are having some irreconcilable differences. Alternatively, the coffin represents ideas and habits that you are no longer of use and can be buried.

To see a body in a coffin, signifies that you are going through a period of depression. You may feel confined, restricted and that you are lacking personal freedom. There may be a dead or decaying situation or issue in your life that needs to be addressed. It is time to end this situation or relationship.

oookay. sure i was going through rough waters, and was actually thinking if i was bordering on depression. and here's the dream's meaning that i might be. and yes, there are issues and people that have been bothering me the past few months. is this a sign that it's time to let go?

how about the snake?

To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes. meanings by DreamMoods.com

To see the skin of a snake in your dream, represents protection from illnesses.

To dream that you are eating a live snake, indicates that you are looking for intimacy or sexual fulfillment. Your life is lacking sensuality and passion. If you vomit or throw up the snake, then it may mean that you are overcompensating for something that is lacking in your life. You may be rushing into something.

now this is interesting. the coffin and the snake works together. my dreams are telling me something. i think it's time to address these issues. but first, to consult hubby about these dreams.

summer fun!

the upside of us staying with the in laws is the big playground. so much room to run around, get all sweaty and happy.

i miss going home early and seeing them this happy and active.

the price i have to pay for saving up for their future.

nothin on you

personally, i find the message of this song very positive.

that no matter how may beautiful women are out there, they wouldn't compare to the one the guy has.

and in a way, hubby says that too when i get into one of my jealous moods. hehe