let the rain fall down...and still be in style

i am in love. call it love at fisrt shop/surf. i want to covet these. just looking at the pictures i know it's a very comfortable shoe. i want i want i want!

how can you go wrong with flats worth 1,450?? exactly! you don't!

this is what i want... and will own soon!i'm eyeing the one named Vivki.

bye bye wet feet! =)

on the homefront...

the past few weeks have been quite hell for me. i won't go into the details since it's quite personal and i dont want to step into people's toes. but things on the homefront in my perspective are quite misplaced.

i've been keeping quiet so as not to put pressure into involving hubby. my planner/diary has been a silent witness to all my rants and complaints. i've stood my ground, sticking to my decision, hoping that hubby can also see my side before he could go and make his own. at least he could weigh the options better.

an added responsibility other than or own family is quite too much to handle right now and added pressure won't remedy the situation. especially on our end.

and as much as possible, i would prefer if we could focus first on wiping out our debts this year to finally save up for our family and soon move out to our own home. it's time for us to be independent. and the best bet for this is to move to another country. avoid all the drama, the issues and the negativity.

as selfish at that may sound but i think we deserve that. since we have a family of our own, we have to focus on our priorities and expenses. other things take a backseat in the meantime. we are in fact raising 3 kids, another mouth to feed or sustain isn't practical right now. especially those who don't know how to reciprocate even in kindness and kind words.

protecting myself

after 3 kids, my ob had scolded me for having kids 2 years each apart. she was worried that my boy hasn't recovered yet from the previous pregnancy. but, what were we to do now that i was carrying our third child right? so she told me, imposed actually that after i give birth, she'll put me on contraceptives. i obliged since it was in the plan initially after keon, but due to some miraculous intervention, kade was created.

we discussed what would be the right one for me. i told her i'm not reliable to take pills daily since i have the memory of a goldfish when it comes to taking medicine. patches, i might not afford it, IUD, too scary for me and so, we decided injectibles are the way to go. and all i have to do is to come back every three months for my injections.

of course i did my research about the good and the bad effects of injectibles (Depo Provera) from this source

i just had my first shot two weeks ago. so far i just have some spotting. the bloated feeling my ob warned me about hadn't taken effect yet, but i am praying it won't happen at all. what i am dreading is the weight gain. so right now, i'm starting to watch my weight and do everything i can to maintain my ideal weight of 115lbs. once i go back to work, i'm sure things would be easier since i'm more mobile and up and about.

hubby and i will soon test it's effectiveness. but not now or in the coming weeks or months. it's to risky yet since this is my first dose. i guess after my 3rd dose.

short hair dilemma

which one?? and how short should i go?

i'd love to post how hideous my hair looks like now, but that would scare off anyone who reads my blog hahaha.

how hideous? it's like a mullet with a dead electrocuted rat on it. my hair is awfully dry and oily at the same time. going in different directions. it's a pain to have this hair in this weather. hopefully this weekend, i'll be saying goodbye to bad hair.

and hopefully i get to rock a new color too. (do i hear a red? haha)

a little pocket of time

goodness! i have so much stuff to blog about but the moment i get my hands on my laptop and start typing away, my precious bunso starts fussing and cries. so everything takes a backseat when my kids call for attention.

the past few days have been quite a rollercoaster of a ride. been feeling high and low in a span of minutes. i'd hate to blame this on the contraceptive i'm having because it wasn't stated as a side effect that i'll be having any mood swings. i guess with the current situation our family is facing right now made me all the more sensitive.

and since i have a little pocket of time while the kids are still asleep, i shall attempt to even create one blog post/story in my to do list. this does not count by the way.

kade xedric's birthing story

i was due july 23, but i was sure as hell that this little boy would make his grand entrance on the first week of july.

towards the end of the month of june, my ob and i were discussing when to schedule my routine IE to check up on kade if he's ready and if my body's ready. i asked to move the check up the following week (july 3) since that weekend, my family and i were going to celebrate my dad's birthday the whole weekend. thankfully my ob agreed, with a lot of pleading and charms used. i assured her that by the time she does the IE on my, i'll be giving birth already so she should be ready.

the week went by and come july 3, friday, i popped over to her clinic over lunch to have my IE. and surprises of all surprises, i was already 4cm dilated but not yet effaced. meaning mycervix isn't open yet. so i was still given directions to go home and rest it out. but knowing me, and having gone through 2 previous pregnancies, i returned to work and finished all my turnovers for the day. i even announced through facebook that i was 4cm dilated already and sent some officemates into shocked and almost panicked replies. but i assured them i was doing ok and not feeling any pain at all.

i was even the last one to go home that friday night at 930pm. but around that time i was already feeling the strain on my lower back. i knew anytime i'll be heading to the hospital.

once we got home, i slept it off. come the next day, i woke up around 730am and felt pain on my back going to my tummy. i knew it was time. hubby left for the office since i knew this can take a while. i was counting the contractions already. round 830, the pain was a bit uncomfortable but manageable. i texted my ob that i was having 5 min contractions every 30 mins. she replied that i should head to the hospital asap since i could give birth already. since i wasn't panicking yet, i even asked her if i can still grab something to eat after i take my shower. i got a big NO and that i should get a move on asap. so i did. texted hubby to head home and bring me to the hospital. (i was that relaxed that i wanted hubby to bring me to the hospital when in fact my dad or brother can drive me to the hospital)

around 930am i we were knocking on the door of the delivery room. left all my things to hubby. was subjected to the usual round of questions. at that time i was still wearing my red nail polish on my hands and feet. sadly i had to remove them and so the resident nurse took them off while i was being monitored. another round of IE and i was 7cm dilated and 8cm dilated when having contractions.

i was surprised when they wheeled me directly to the delivery room. i asked them: aren't i going to stay in the labor room? they told me there's no need since i was already 8cm dilated and i can give birth anytime.

i was prepped and strapped on to the table. it was a good 30-45 mins of chikahan with the doctors since my ob was still on her way. it was around 1045am. i was shaved, given my IV, another round of interviews, more chikahan. during those times i was already feeling the intense pain, i was asking the doctors if i can sit down a bit since it eases the pain, but since i can't anymore, i had to bear the pain.

a tip: those breathing exercises really help. the more you scream off the pain, the more it gets painful. seriously.

after another round of chikahan with my ob, she did another IE on me and then my water bag broke. this is it! in a few mintues, kade will make his grand entrance!

i was told to push if i felt like i was pooping. after a good 3 or 4 pushes... and feeling the head crowning, i passed out and woke up to the noise of the nurses in the recovery room. that was around 2pm already.

by the time i was wheeled into my room, i fell asleep again and woke up in the evening. and the first thing i asked is how was kade and how did he look like.

so that's the story of kade and how he came into this world. :)

trouble in yaya-land

currently, we're facing a new problem on the homefront. by the end of this month, we'll be one yaya short. kyle's yaya has decided to leave and go home to the province to "rest".

this frustrates me to no end since she knows that i'll go back to work first week of september and leaving 3 kids at home is no joke. she could have been a little considerate and told us way before i gave birth.

now we're still waiting for the new yaya to arrive and i've only got less than a week to train her on how to take care of the kids.

dear lord, i hope we get to survive this.

i just don't get it

i was supposed to blog about this mini pet peeve i had while i was pregnant.

why do some people take it against you or seem a bit off when they find out you're pregnant for the third time? like it's a big crime to them finding out you're pregnant for the third time? it's not that i'll go ask them for support financially and ask them to buy things for the baby.

i just find it quite offensive when they tend to say things like: "you're pregnant again?" "gawa naman kayo ng baby girl" or "girl naman this time"

beef over.

i just turned a deaf ear and a generic smile when i was told these statements.

5 weeks

pardon the post partum drama laden blog post...

i was reading Daphne Osena's blog a few minutes ago and i came across one of her blog entries. she recently gave birth as well and more or less, we're in the same boat. and this blog entry validates what i have been going through.

in a way i can relate to her. having three kids, opting to not have a nanny for the third child and taking care of the household while at the same time, taking care of a demanding newborn.

the only difference is that she blogged about it on her 17th week of being with her newborn, i, on the otherhand, is just a few days shy of my 6th week post partum and here i am all drained, exhausted, semi depressed, and moody. 2 weeks or more to go and i'm back to work. half of me is dreading going back to work, half of me is looking forward to it.

it feels like after having this third angel has finally taken its toll on me. i seriously had a few years of rest, then i'm back to being pregnant again. i guess my body never had the full chance to recover from the first pregnancy. i have been looking in the mirror lately and i am not liking what i see. i look older than my age, i'm starting to grow some lines - worry lines, getting old lines in my face, my skin looks blotchy and dry, and a ton more. it's quite depressing really. and as much as i would want a total makeover, i'd rather spend the money i'm going to use on it for the kids.

i just hope that in the coming weeks, months or year, i can redeem myself and hopefully return to what i should look like in my age - or even just half of it.