5 weeks

pardon the post partum drama laden blog post...

i was reading Daphne Osena's blog a few minutes ago and i came across one of her blog entries. she recently gave birth as well and more or less, we're in the same boat. and this blog entry validates what i have been going through.

in a way i can relate to her. having three kids, opting to not have a nanny for the third child and taking care of the household while at the same time, taking care of a demanding newborn.

the only difference is that she blogged about it on her 17th week of being with her newborn, i, on the otherhand, is just a few days shy of my 6th week post partum and here i am all drained, exhausted, semi depressed, and moody. 2 weeks or more to go and i'm back to work. half of me is dreading going back to work, half of me is looking forward to it.

it feels like after having this third angel has finally taken its toll on me. i seriously had a few years of rest, then i'm back to being pregnant again. i guess my body never had the full chance to recover from the first pregnancy. i have been looking in the mirror lately and i am not liking what i see. i look older than my age, i'm starting to grow some lines - worry lines, getting old lines in my face, my skin looks blotchy and dry, and a ton more. it's quite depressing really. and as much as i would want a total makeover, i'd rather spend the money i'm going to use on it for the kids.

i just hope that in the coming weeks, months or year, i can redeem myself and hopefully return to what i should look like in my age - or even just half of it.