Motherhood

my first contribution to Kerol and her sister's blog. i was asked to write for them, share some insights about being a woman, a wife, a friend and everything in between.

i also consider myself as a non domestic diva.

click on the title to go to their site

------
I wasn’t prepared for motherhood.


When P and I were still dating, both at a very young age of 23, both climbing the corporate ladder and establishing our careers in sales, P for an FMCG, while I was working for an local online portal in sales. The thought of being parents never crossed our minds. We were enjoying the moment of going out on impromptu road trips, dates after work, getting pissed drunk and not worrying about it the next day. That time, we were living the “perfect” life.

I never imagined myself being a mom. I had this idea that I would marry when I turn 30, with a well compensated job and maybe 1 kid. But then fate took a different course (not that I’m blaming fate), in 2004, I found out I was pregnant. The moment I saw those to pink lines I didn’t know what to do. I could not fathom the idea that at the age of 23, I was going to be a mom. I was still childish. I didn’t have a 5 year plan, long term goals and all that adult stuff. I lived in the moment.

How could I be a mom this young? I didn’t have any domestic skills at all. I can’t even cook a decent meal, I hated the thought of washing and ironing clothes, cleaning the house was literally a chore. What more, taking care of an infant? It took me the whole pregnancy to deal with these issues. I was scared, worried. Sure, I had taken care of my younger brothers when they were babies, but this was totally different, this person will come from me. I can’t hand the baby over to somebody else when there’s something wrong.

Everyday I was drowning in emotions. I was happy because I’ll have a baby, worried how can I take care of the baby when I don’t have any mommy instincts in me, depressed how can P and I provide for this baby? Seems like all the things mentioned in the book What to Expect, I went through.

The moment I was able to hold my son in my arms for the first time it felt like a motherhood switch was turned on. It felt like I finally knew what to do. It felt like I was meant to be a mom. Maybe I was one of the lucky ones to feel the motherhood vibe, that Johnson and Johnson mommy – child bonding, with tears rolling down the cheeks. Cheesy, but it’s true.

I wasn’t prepared for motherhood and being a mom, but I wasn’t prepared for the surprise that all the while I had it in me to be a mom. My son just had to turn on that switch. And after three wonderful kids, it feels like I have been doing this forever.